In Heaven
by Muzuki-chan
Summary: Frau didn't even get to see him in his last moments all because he had sent him away. So he wastes his life away in regret, but a question pops up and Frau doesn't even hesitate to answer. Who knew a question could change his life? (modern au)
1. Rude Awakening

Disclaimer: The characters don't belong to me, but if they did ... this is what happens...  
Also, thank you to my lovely beta-reader RedLines for beta-reading this, for without her this wouldn't be as nicely written (this isn't an exaggeration Lol xD) 

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The lit cigarette omitted a dangerous smoke that wisped from it gently. The blond man exhaled another puff from the nicotine object, ignoring the feeling of it traveling down his raspy throat. He sat down in a disastrous fashion, his back hunched over and forehead resting on his palms. He stared off into the distance, full of nothingness; his pair of glassy orbs were now dull marbles exposed through half lidded eyes, like the eyes of a lifeless doll.

"...not since the accident."

Frau flinched to hear Castor's voice, and he was immediately brought back into reality. The man was sitting alone in the living room. Frau's living room was a catastrophe, similar to his own image; his clothes were thrown recklessly around the floor and a coupe vodka bottles littered the coffee table.

He touched his head, as if to make the headache to come to an end, however, it seemed to have an opposite effect.

"Quiet, Castor, you know how touchy this subject is to Frau..."

There was another familiar voice that seemed to continue the conversation in a whispering manner. If it wasn't for the ringing and pain in his head, from drowning himself in alcohol, he would've heard the murmurs of the discussion. As if wondering what was happening in his dimly lit kitchen, he raised his head to only strain his eyes at the sensitivity of the luminosity. He got up leisurely from the rickety chair, and made his way towards his destination. The man moved to and fro, due to his legs being dead asleep.

When the man wobbled into the kitchen, two pair of eyes instantly glanced at him. He spotted the two other males, Castor and Labrador, sitting at the table with papers gathered neatly in between them. Frau would've laughed at how disheveled they looked, but he couldn't even muster to move a facial muscle on his face.

Castor and Labrador looked like parents who had a troublesome child, and arguing who would change the baby's diaper next. The chocolate smear on Labrador's rosy cheek only proved that thought. Frau once again, at least wanted to scoff at how the two got along too well, but even the feeling of breathing through his mouth seemed like his throat was swallowing gravel and sand being rubbed over his tongue.

The man lurched at the cabinet to get a cup, to only give out a gruff sigh as he fumbled with the handle of the cupboard. He felt eyes of the two burning holes in his back, Frau left out a harsh chuckle as he turned around to face the pair.

"Jesus Christ, the way you guys are staring at me, someone might think that I just cock-blocked you guys from beginning some rough, cheesy se-", Frau began in a hoarse voice, as if his vocal cords were parched.

"Frau!" Castor warned the blue eyed man.

"I'm just saying the truth, glasses." Frau groaned in response.

The blond felt his body stagger backwards and his vision starting to fill with dancing black spots. He took a whim to glance at the redhead, to only discover that he was being looked at with pity. _'Why...pity?'_ Frau's thought sunk into his mind.

"Hey, don't look at me like that", Frau glared back at the older man, "Someone might think I am a dead man walking." _'Well I am feeling like on now.'_ Frau huffed, adding the thought in his mind.

The tall man's hands couldn't help but trail the counter top's surface, unconsciously colliding his hand with a shiny object, He traced the form of the cold object, which called for his eye's attention. A nostalgic feeling washed over him as he twirled the green mug in his palms.

Frau's attention was rapidly captured; cradling the cup like it was a fragile piece of thin glass. Castor and Labrador tensed as they watched the man bring it closer to his face, intensively observing it like it was something important.

The color of the mug created memories from a certain hilarious day when Teito had received the green cup from his uncle overseas. 'Thinking about that brat, where is he?' Frau wondered as he pushed aside his throbbing migraine. His numb eyes diverted to look back at his friends who glanced at him with worry.

"Where is Teito?"

Frau sensed Castor tense up, a hitched breath caught in his throat and quickly shooting a look towards his boyfriend. Because of that action, he realized that something was feeling out of place. His whole apartment looked like there was a hardcore party here just a second ago. The alcoholic beverages rolled near his bed side, along with the lonely cigarettes which littered the ash tray.

Where were Teito's belongings? And his acrylic and water color collection paints? Or the dainty brushes that sunbathed near the window at the desk in the morning, but now replaced with beer bottles? These constant thoughts were annoying him, 'But what if the kid brought his belongings someplace else?' He slightly calmed down believing it in this case.

If Teito was here, Frau would have been given a proper scolding for smoking nonstop. Or maybe getting a punch or two for being addicted to drinking and smoking, but no one could blame him for doing these things, right?

"So, where is shorty?"

"Frau..."

Labrador's whisper was so faint; the blond could only see the short man's lips moving to form unknown words. The hangover was getting the best of him, and now it was trying to make the all mighty Frau Birkin deaf? What a joke.

"Damn...Where is the brat?"

Every single time the man spoke, he was unsure of himself whether he was saying the things he "wanted to hear". Mentioning Frau's little lover made the couple jitter, unable to answer the blue eyed blond. He peeked at the green cup once again, seeing his own horrible reflection of himself.

There were huge dark bags underneath his eyes, and his hair looked greasy and disgusting from not washing it for a whole week. He could even remark at how sickly pale his face looked and how his high cheek bones gave off more of an older tone. He wanted to see how Teito would react to this pathetic image of himself now, a dreadful lonely and hopeless figure...But for him to see the boy and vice versa, Teito need to come home first.

"Is Teito-"

"Stop it, Frau." Castor replied roughly, looking away to one of the papers at the desk, "Just...stop. We can't keep doing this anymore."

Frau wanted to retaliate with Castor, But Labrador stepped in, and Frau wished...wished that the botanist would have never said anything. He would have begged or even died for those words to never leave the man's petite lips.

"Frau", Labrador's voice broke, on the verge of tears as he turned away to break eye contact with the pitiful man as small crystal drop began racing down Labrador's cheek, "Teito...Teito is dead."


	2. The meeting

Disclaimer: Ah~ They aren't mine, but that's why we have this site XD  
Once again, I must give my thanks to my beloved Beta-reader! I applaud her awesomeness!

mrry67: Thank you for the review! I shall have to relay the your message to my beta-reader though as without her, this story wouldn't have been as nicely written and brought to life ^_^

guest: Thank you for reviewing as well! And I shall try my best to keep updating, so for now, I hope you enjoy this chapter until the next one is updated.

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"Good heavens, child. What have you-!"

Frau pulled away from the black cell phone that rested in his bony hand, groaning irritably as the voice bickering at him from the other side grew louder. He tried to press the phone closer to his ear, but the wrathful shouting was so intimidating that the blond man himself was slightly anxious that he was immersed in trouble.

"Bastien, Calm down", Frau tried to reassure the man on the opposite line, "If you get any louder, people might stare."

Immediately, his eyes plummeted through crowded streets, catching a couple mortals staring at him in curiosity. He gave the people a frown with a silver plate and a pint of sarcastic salt, as if to say, "Enjoy the scowl, mind your own business, have a nice day." Subsequently, the tall man's attention wandered back to the phone still ringing with Bastien's obnoxious moralizing.

"Anyways, Bastien, I need to go-", Frau started to fidget at his own weak voice, toned with guilt.

"Are you ignoring me?! Excuse me, young man, but-" The barking of the man were sitting on Frau's last nerve.

"Seriously, old man," Frau scoffed at the nickname, attempting to rile the elder even more, "I need to go, I'll call ya later."

"Frau!-"_click._ The blond man was already pestered, for an unknown reason, he just _had _to turn off the phone to avoid throwing it at a random person.

He looked at the rough black cell phone, before shoving it into his left front pocket of his jeans with brute force. It has been several days since Castor and Labrador had visited him, and Frau couldn't help but feel guilty for what he had done. He had not only drunk dialed them to save his lonely ass from collapsing from the brink of despair, but also kicked them out after a couple of confusing drunk hours he had spent sitting on his rickety chair, pondering on the meaning of life.

_'Teito is dead_', Labrador's voice echoed in Frau's head, a fresh stab into the blond man's heart.

The man felt his mind grow in bewilderment, raking his sharp fingers through his silky golden hair, not soft as it was a while…._a while…._a while ago. An instant flash of green deadpan eyes crossed his mind, and he instantly lost his mentality.

Frau sighed, forcibly shoving his pair of hands into his coat pockets, to prevent them from doing something else. It wasn't helping either way, his normal heartbeat could be compared to a galloping cheetah, and his skin was beginning to sweat profusely as his fingers ached to stretch and touch a cigarette.

Frau remained still, appeared as a guy who only had a skin tight shirt, an unbuttoned trench coat which hung around his shoulders, and a wrinkled pair of jeans that he worn the day before….and a day before the day before….and the day before the day before and the day before, and it went on. At the moment he was in front of a large crowd, which was waiting to cross the busy street at the stop light.

He certainly didn't live far from the convenience store, so he always walked, but for now it was for a different purpose. Unfortunately, Castor and Labrador have taken away all of his alcoholic beverages and cigarettes from killing and drowning himself in misery. He was extremely displeased with the fact that his comfort things were out of his reach.

The pale haired man continued to walk down the side walk with an unreadable expression. The sun dipped low into the horizon, allowing dusk to take over. Looking skywards, he strained his eyes, only to catch a glimpse of a couple speckled stars in the smog-filled sky. It was as if everyone had deserted the city, leaving him and his best friend, solitariness, to wander the dust filled paths of the secluded streets.

After standing an eternity waiting for the red hand stop sign to turn into a white walking figure, Frau almost staggered to the side, his legs barely able to hold his neglected body. However, before the man was able to step off the curb to cross the street along with the crowd, an undersized shadow had knocked into the back of his legs.

Frau could make out a small figure with blond, spiked hair run past with glee. The man usually never paid attention to scrawny kids running around, as it was a given that this certain area he happened to live in was filled with couples of all sorts, and who wanted to pay attention to kids when you could be busy making them? But despite his slow reaction at capturing agile movements, Frau saw the child unknowingly running towards a speeding car. Instinctively, Frau leaped to save the boy, griping the collar of the small T-shirt, and tugging him harshly back onto the "safe zone" curb.

_'Jesus, thank god that car didn't hit the brat'_, Frau mentally applauded himself. The car that was breaking the speed limit crossed the red light. The crowd that surrounded where the child and Frau were located began to crawl with murmurs. Frau looked at the boy who was still in his grasp, letting out a pent sigh out from his aching lungs as he let go of the hustling youth.

"Hey, kid", Frau gruffly muttered, kneeling next to the same level to not intimidate the young boy who just survived a near road kill, "Watch where you are going next time. Has no one ever told you to look both ways before crossing the street?"

The youngster continued to stare with a shameful grin before responding back, "Thank you for saving me, Mister."

The guy couldn't help but to break a small crooked smile at how the innocent the child looked with the frazzled hair and crystal blue marble-like eyes stared back at him; as if a master carved sculptures of a child like the one you would see in the Greek Isle of the Metropolitan Museum, priceless artwork.

Frau could only gaze at the boy, "No problem, kiddo, just remember to look both ways before crossing, mmkay?"

The kid nodded his head obediently as Frau stood back up on his rickety two legs. However, the small blond only tugged slightly on Frau's coat to get his attention back.

"Why did you save _me_?" The boy looked intensively this time, as if judging Frau's life on his answer.

Frau gaped like a fish out of water after he heard the child's voice drop to a low baritone at the 'me'. However, the crowd that was waiting impatiently flooded the street to cross the path and separating the two. The man reached out towards the young lad which only continued to grin at Frau before disappearing behind the walking bodies. The tall blond stood up to quickly, a spark of dizziness striking his mind, but he immediately ignored as panic flowed through his veins. He peeked over the cracks in the crowds until he gave up looking for the peep, _'Let's just hope he found his parents.'_ Frau thought letting out a chocking sigh.

Frau still wondered what the boy meant by, "Why did you save me?" Wasn't it a logical question? But then he stopped in his tracks, a sudden pang in his chest stung him enough for Frau to look down at his shirt-covered upper body. He raised a palm to his face, covering his pathetic expression from unwanted stares by the moving crowd of bodies.

_'Because…That's exactly how Teito died.'_

_~*~time-skip~*~_

The sky was joylessly dark and it was up to the street lights to color the gray pavement in light yellow pastel colors. Frau was wandering the streets hopelessly searching for another convenience store and pin down a cigarette because his near attending grocery storehouse was closed an hour earlier today.

As the grown man continued to roam the solitary streets like a stray cat without a home, his half-lidded eyes lurked at the opened shop that was coincidentally sitting on the corner of the avenue. Even though it appeared cramped and petite - he couldn't care less of it's shape or size by now - he needed to quench his thirsty, smoke-aching throat fast.

Frau walked briskly into the store due to his insensitive eyes which were now sparkling because of the shining midnight sun that casted itself high in the sky. He entered unsurprised to see the store to only have the cashier to satisfy the shop population. He was reading a flashy magazine, Frau's Best friends; the cashier only peeked over the magazine to see how the well-built man quickly grabbed a pack of cigarettes hungrily abusing them with his eyes. Frau slammed them onto the counter scaring the daylights out of the ordinary cashier. Subsequently, Frau rashly rushed out of the store clutching the packet of nicotine sticks.

Yet, before Frau could take a step out of the store, he caught a sight of the familiar disheveled spiked blond hair. His eyes lurched to see the small boy to admire the candies on the display, _'It's the brat that I rescued today', _Frau realized. The tall man quickly tore his eyes away from the child to see if any other adults, his parents or guardians preferably, were in the store with him, which oddly enough there wasn't. Frau huffed and wandered back to the jumpy cashier and gruffly asked for a colorful lollipop that was nearly the same size as the blond boy's head. _'The kid will want it.' _Frau found the youngster's attention captivated by the rainbow candy in the cashier's hand ready to give it to a full grown man.

Frau couldn't complain at how much money was left in his wallet because he felt pity for the penny-less kid who has been starring at the rainbow sweet without winking an eye. To take a closer look, he was amazed at how the child looked similar to him, untamed blond spiky hair and glossy blue eyes. A simple mistake that anyone could make if they thought he was the father.

Once the cashier accepted the money, the man snatched the insanely large lollipop from the counter and handed it into the young child's empty hands. Then ruffling his blond hair gently and walking out of the convenience store. Once the cool air hit his face, Frau shoved his hands into his pockets. Later he pulled out a lighter to light one of his addictive nicotine sticks.

He stuffed it between his cracked lips and inhaled the smoke through his wind pipe with a deep breathe. Frau enjoyed the mere seconds the nicotine swirling in his lungs, before exhaling it with limited satisfaction. He was about to inhale another whiff of smoke and walk towards his uninviting cold apartment where the empty glass bottles waited for him to once again come home, and stare at them for an eternity wondering what else to do with his life; but he felt a yank on his loose trench coat almost as if there was nothing there. Unsure, Frau turned to reassure himself that it is a mere trick of the wind, yet his eyes locked onto the clear blue marble irises scrutinizing back at the man. The small boy watched in wonder as he twirled the massive candy in his elfin hands that barely held the object in balance.

Frau was taken back, uncomfortably gawking at the child. "…to do most?" The youngster tried to ask the man, who was staring into the deep ocean orbs of the kid, which reflected the man's lost expression.

Frau snapped out of his daze replied gruffly, "Say that again, kid, I couldn't hear ya." Kneeling down to the petite height of the child, as if leaning in to listen to the youthful voice that were like bright bell chimes. He longed for a _young _voice, _young _and _beautiful….._just like _his_.

"Mister-", the perked up child started to repeat himself.

"Frau", the sole man blurted out, "Just call me Frau, kid. Mister is what you would call my dad." He scoffed after remembering the talk he had with him earlier.

A jagged smile crawled up Frau's face as a miniature giggle escaped from the young boy. "My name is Capella."

"So…What'd ya want kiddo? You lost?" Frau tried his best not to include any "beautiful" words in his context. He knew that he wasn't the friendliest person around the world, but he tried his best not to sound like depressing drunkard like he appeared as. He would've smiled, at least turn up both corners of his mouth, but the finest he could do was a half-smile. It was as if his "smile muscles" disappeared along with _him._

"…Frau?" The kid asked yet again.

"Huh?" Frau brought his head closer to the child this time to make sure that he was brought out of his thoughts, "Ah…Sorry, What was it again?" He sighed scolding himself mentally.

Capella pouted his bottom lip, slightly quivering it, and forcing Frau to rub the back of his neck because of guilt. Subsequently, the child looked up at Frau with questioning eyes, observing Frau carefully not to lose himself in his own daydream again.

Frau stiffened at the question, "What is the thing you want to do the most…before you die?"

"Oi, kiddies like you shouldn't even know the word 'death'." The tall man shifted uncomfortably, as he reached his huge palm to ruffle the irresistible soft blond hair. "Aren't you like, five?"

"I'm ten, old man!"

"Doesn't look like it." Frau snickered as he stood up for the second time today, his thigh muscles groaning with complaints and his bones creaking.

"J-Just answer it already!" Capella fumed, stomping his foot rather childishly.

"Alright, alright, calm down, twerp." Frau cast his eyes at the pale colored pavement in front of him. He thumped a rhythm of a childhood lullaby on against his knee, thinking of a certain way to abstain the kid from the question. But then, an instant flashback cut through his brain, freezing him in place. An image of his beloved flashed through his mind, smiling a tooth-filled grin at him.

"I want to take care of someone special to me. There were lots of times I couldn't. Capella, let's not talk about death…"

Frau looked to see where the kid was supposed to be standing, but only discovered the kid had vanished without a trace like a ghost. A rush of goose bumps traveled up his spine, washing an uneasy feeling for the second time today. Frau turned to look back at where the young child last stood before walking off home.

The solitary man's phone buzzed once he reached the stoplight. Frau plunge his hands into his pockets reluctantly taking out his phone and clicking a few buttons to open the message that he received. Having nowhere to rush to, he took his dear time tapping the screen to open the message. Taking a better look, his phone was plagued with unread messages from his repenting last week. Not surprised to see who the text was from, he proceeded with reading it, unhurriedly.

_Castor: Bastien called._

_Frau: Yeah, and?_

_Castor: Don't play coy with me, you know why he called._

_Frau: Fine, so…What did he say?_

_Castor: Call him to find out, genius. But I'll say this once, moron, stop drinking and smoking so much, Bastien wouldn't want this. At least live for him._

_'At least live for him?' _Who do you think I am? A suicidal emo, who thinks of only slitting his wrists and post depressing poems all day? _'Maybe I should become that for a change.' _Frau joked in his head. Who do they think they are? **_He _was my life. **No one can be _his _replacement, no one, not even Bastien, neither Castor nor Labrador. He shot his trademark glare at the phone before it departed into his trench coat pocket.

Frau dragged his feet down the path which stretched on forever, and for once he relaxed into the cool night breeze that swept his worries away. He was the only living human being who was brooding the avenues filled with isolation. The street lights whispered the glowering lights, dimly illuminating the road filled with closed stores. The tall blonde despised to compare it to himself, so he quickened his pace and entered the building. Once he finally arrived at his duplex, he stripped off his clothes to only leave on his black briefs while carelessly tossing his clothes to the littered floor.

His wearisome feet sluggishly made their way towards his stony bedroom that awaited his long day coming, and without a care in the world, he dropped his body on top of the covers and closed his eyes, letting sleep rule his fatigued eyes. But as he listened to the crickets' chirps outside his opened window, Capella's question struck his mind, "_What is the thing you want to do the most…before you die?" _Frau let the question gradually mope in his brain.

_'Pfft. What a stupid question for a brat…Brat…If anything, I want to see Teito again.' _Frau shifted his body one last time before plummeting into the influenced sleep, losing his self-conscience to think the thought again.

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Ahem *insert awkward coughs then puts on "stern face"* Depression is not a thing to be made fun of (even thought it is written to be a bit comedic here lol whoops xD)  
But on a serious note, cutting/harming yourself isn't a good thing and can get very addictive, so please don't do it. If anything, there are suicide hotlines out there that are for your use so don't be afraid...I'm sorry if this got really sappy/deep/weird, but I kind of thought it was important to add this. (Even though this story has heavy use of nicotine/drinking addiction and there's no warning for those - *gets kicked off the computer and sparta kicked into the ocean*)


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